Paranoia

“Paranoia is an instinct or thought process believed to be heavily influenced

by anxiety or fear, often to the point of delusion and irrationality.” – Wikipedia

Going for a vacation is one of the exciting feelings that most of us are looking forward too, except me. Before going home for my last year's break I had this strange thought, I felt that I would never reach my 33rd birthday. Every single day before my flight is a stressful one. I thought I'll die either by accident or any other reason.

To prepare me, I started making a to-do list (a list again).

* I want to visit Sagada.

There’s so much in it that I couldn’t explain but I promised myself in my early 20s that I’ll come and visit Sagada. They say this place is for those who are on the moving on stage. Duh! Is it?

* I want to celebrate my birthday at an orphanage that turned out to be in an elderly home – Anawim

* I'll get my coffin...

* Meet some of my friends that I've been ditching off.

* I'll try to finish the house - at least a decent one.

* And lastly spend my time with family.

I tried finishing what's written on my list but it thought me one thing; we can do those things even without having weird thoughts running through our heads. Maybe I was just too scared to die without living the life that I dreamt of having which my paranoia gave me a little push. There’s no reason to fear death. We can always start living our life now and the rest give it to Him.

It reminds me of one of the bible verses; “In their hearts, humans plan their course, but the LORD establishes their steps.” Proverbs 16:9

I can make my 20-page list and write whatever I want to accomplish in life but if it’s not His plan yet, who am I to disobey His.

Every vacation has a deeper meaning to reconnect with people and to find ourselves. Now, I'm looking forward to my next wander. Where will be my next destination?

#phielespadilla #nextdestination #travel #paranoid #anawim #sagada #vacation